A thing happened to me the other day, a thing that I was not expecting from a good friend. She assures me that we'll still be really close, but I am feeling so abandoned right now that I don't know if we are ever going to have the same strength in our relationship as we have before.
I'm also angry to no end - how in the hell did she think it was okay or accceptable to do that to me? I don't think she thought of me in making that decision. She didn't know my history, and so she didn't know how much it would really hurt me, but the damage is done. Old wounds have been opened. Anyways, she did a selfish thing. I am mad and just generally dreading facing her in person tomorrow. One chapter of my life is over, and many tears have been shed for this realization.
I'm at my parents' house right now, and luckily have some of my only good high school friends in town to help me through this. They are so good to me, and I am ever thankful they took me under their wing.
The funny thing is that on Friday, before I had this bad news dumped on me, I was in a great mood. We're talking unstoppable, high point of the season, the sun is shining - happy. I saw on social media that a gorgeous owl had taken up residence in our library courtyard, and wanted to go see the owl. Owls are such majestic, powerful creatures, and I'd never seen one in the 'wild' before. So I went over the library and snapped a few pictures, but those red unblinking eyes chilled me more than I'd like to admit. I found myself terrified of this 12 inch bird.
Later when I told my friend about seeing the owl, she reminded me that in Native American tradition, seeing an owl in the day is a very bad omen. I thought nothing of it, but then submitted to have my heart crushed.
I can't help but think that owl was definitely a sign. I was too blind with a rare breed of happiness to see it for what it meant, but it was there. I was in such a great mood I actually thought nothing could bring me down, not even a creepy owl, but it is always dangerous to have that mindset about anything. You're almost guaranteed to have your life turned upside down.
All in all, I feel like I've been dumped right now. I've never been in a serious relationship, and therefore never been dumped, but I would imagine this is what it feels like. Eventually though, I hope I'll be able to trust my friend again and get over all of this bullshit.
Tomorrow I will get to see my church family, as it's Easter, and I am excited to see all of them. It's always a comfort.
Stay Youngry,
Shan
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