On Writing and Ambition

And thus, I start a blog. I've been wanting to do with for some time now, because I want to get into writing. I really, really want to write. I want to write all hours of the day, in the rain, on a train, with a fox, in a box. Reading inspires me. I feel so deeply moved when I'm reading something powerful, and I want to learn to articulate these feelings to people around me, but more importantly, myself. There are times when I feel like I have so much stirring inside of me that needs to be expressed in some great, incredible way, like I have so much potential, like I have the ability to do anything I want, like I am standing on the ledge of a canyon, looking into the pool of life's mysteries, the soul-stuff of the world.

But I've never written anything before, so I have this conception that I don't know how. They're just words, how hard could it be? It's harder than it would seem, to get started. Most Great writers started writing when they were children, 10 or 12 years old. I don't have that kind of juvenile experience. I read books when I was that age, but for some reason never saw the need to try my own hand at writing. Sometimes I'll read a particular sentence or phrase and think, Wow! How do people come up with these things?, and I just feel like the author is some mystical force, explaining things to me with immense talent. I could never write something that true, you know? There's always doubt.

If I'm being honest, my future is a great big question mark right now. Undecided major, undecided career path. I've been leaning towards English as my major, but it's scary to me because I've already taken my American Lit requirements and don't want to have to suffer through dry, drab, English Lit, though our professors are mostly fantastic. My main ambition and goal in life is to one day live in New York City, and preferably in a part of town where I can walk home after dark and not get mugged.

So here's my first post. I'm about to cut it short because I really should be studying for an exam I have tomorrow (yikes) and haven't reviewed for, which is terrifying. I am shooting anxiety out of my pores right now, can barely focus on anything, and I'm shaking a little bit. Why must I be so stressed out all the time?
A question I don't have time to answer right now, but will certainly revisit later.

Stay Youngry (young + hungry), my friends.